im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
