So drunk its hurt
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
