did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
