Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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