at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
