im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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