either way he was missing a nipple.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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