Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
