He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
