Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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