We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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