so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize
