If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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