She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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