i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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