well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
