Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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