Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
what day is it and did you see me today?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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