She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
