Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
