All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
50% drunk capacity currently
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
