Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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