My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
