I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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