also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
