Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
