Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
