Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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