If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
