somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Duck Duck Cougar?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
