So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
