i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
