What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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