he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
