After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
