hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
do herpes really smell.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
