some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
