it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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