The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
