Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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