Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
