the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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