Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We are two peas in an std pod
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
