my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
