i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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