oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
