I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
