im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
