All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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