Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
it's great music for shaving your balls
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
